I think I'm going mad

I like love stories, but seeing them, is like masochism.
I knew this was going to be hard, but I had any idea this was going to be so damn hard.
I see you when the sun goes away, I see you when I'm alone. I see you in the silence. I see you in the darkness. I see you in the pictures. I see you in my memories. I see you in my fucking messy mind.
When apparently I didn't want this anymore, and knowing that is my decision, this is becoming more and more hard.
Thinking that I can change all this again, that with a simple phone call I can erase the last full month and return to my loving year and a half. Thinking that, is what it make this harder.
But I can't let myself give up. I just can't.
Everything would come back, and would be like it was.
Yeah, watch love movies is not the smartest thing to do.